It’s important to know how to talk to kids about cancer when someone close to them has been diagnosed. They often sense something is happening, so it is better to talk and explain what is going on.
Danae Lund她帮助父2022世界杯巴西阵容母了解如何告诉孩子他们患了癌症。
Sanford Health also offers a six-week support program called CLIMB for children who have a parent or grandparent diagnosed with cancer.Learn more about CLIMB (Children’s Lives Include Moments of Bravery).
Setting up the conversation
Choose a time when you and your child are both well-rested, and you have enough time to focus on your child and talk for as long as your child would like. It’s ideal to let your child know you have important information about your health that you’d like to share.
Remember that the initial conversation with your child may be short. Your child likely needs time to take in and process what you have shared. Not having questions or comments right away doesn’t mean your child doesn’t care or is minimizing the situation. It means your child needs time to take it all in.
Offer your child a chance to ask any questions they may have. Reassure your child that you will make sure that their needs will still be met, and that you are thinking about how they will be affected by your cancer treatment.
Make sure you let your child know that you are available discuss things in more detail later, and that they can come to you at any time with questions they may have.
How to explain to different ages
Each age understands information differently. If you have more than one child, you could choose to sit down and talk to them separately or all at once. If you choose to explain to your children at different times, tell each child close in timing to prevent one from overhearing or not hearing it directly from their parent.
Here is some advice on approaching different age groups of children:
Babies or toddlers (0-2 years):
- At this age, there is little awareness of an illness, but children may react to the separation and changes in their normal routine.
- Though they cannot talk much about how they are feeling, their reactions speak much louder than words and may include: Changes in their feeding routine, fussiness, crankiness or clinginess, changes in sleeping or eating habits, tantrums, and sucking their thumb or wetting the bed.
- 当支持你的孩子对你的疾病的反应时，遵循常规的时间表和创造一个熟悉的环境是重要的。
- Make sure to give extra hugs and cuddles to make your child feel secure and keep an eye on clues to how they are adjusting while they play.
- Say things to help a child understand: “Mommy is sick and needs to go to the hospital to get better.”
Preschool and kindergarten (3-5 years):
- 在这个年龄，人们对生病有一个基本的理解，所以很重要的是，在他们的水平上或通过画一幅图，解释情况是什么，你的治疗是如何工作的。
- 学龄前的孩子认为一切都与自己有关，所以他们可能会做“魔幻思维”，即认为他们是由于淘气或坏的想法导致了疾病。
- 他们的世界观是基于他们自己的经验。孩子们并不是要以自我为中心，但他们最初可能会更关注这对他们来说意味着什么，比如他们还能不能和朋友一起玩，参加活动，或者担心谁会照顾他们。
- 你的孩子的反应可能包括入睡困难，害怕怪物或黑暗，尿床，口吃或使用婴儿语，变得过于活跃或对事物不感兴趣，分离焦虑，好斗或反复问相同的问题。
- To help support your child, address the misunderstandings, remind them they didn’t cause the cancer and it is not contagious.
- Stick to your child’s routine, day and night. Make sure they are active each day to bring out positive energy. If things do need to be changed, make sure to explain why and how.
- Help your child feel important by paying attention to their feelings. Compliment and comment on things they are doing well. Even ask them to do basic things around the house to allow them to feel their purpose.
- Things you can say: “I am sick with something called cancer. The best doctors are giving me medicine to help me feel better. Some days I will be tired and not feel great, but that doesn’t mean I am getting sicker. Some days I will feel good and we can play together.”
Elementary and middle school (6-12 years):
- At this age, your child can understand more complex explanations of cancer. But they will fill gaps of the unknown with their own theories. These theories could be told to them by their peers, such as how cancer is contagious or that all people with cancer die.
- Explain that there are different kinds of cancer, and not all people with cancer die. Remind them you will be getting the best treatment available. You could ask what they know about cancer or if they know anyone who had cancer.
- Explain the treatment so kids can understand the symptoms and know they don’t need to worry.
- Death is something children at this age understand. It is important to explain the reality of the illness and talk about how it will impact the family.
- They have short attention spans and may move on pretty quickly from the discussion; that is normal and doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t interested.
- They may feel guilty and believe they caused the cancer by misbehaving; it is important to reassure them they did not cause the cancer.
- 你的孩子的反应可能包括:悲伤，焦虑或内疚，分离问题，可能感到尴尬或羞愧，害怕表现，惩罚或新的情况，担心家人的健康。他们可能会抱怨头痛或胃痛，在睡觉前尿床等问题，变得好斗，在学校难以集中注意力导致成绩差，与同龄人疏远，或试图通过表现得特别好来掩饰自己的感受。
- To support your child through this process, make sure to stay open and truthful while explaining the illness, treatment, and what could happen, address the issue of dying even if the child does not ask about it themselves. Allow the child to feel involved by giving simple tasks around the house or even asking them to get you a glass of water.
- Remind the child it is not selfish to have fun and be a kid. Their other relatives are healthy and available to help with anything they need as well.
- Watch for clues in the child’s behavior and notify the school or anyone else about the situation.
- Things to say: “Cancer cells are different than healthy cells, and they grow faster, and lump together to form tumors. They can either take them out through surgery, or medication or radiation. The medicine is so powerful so it might make them feel more tired or sicker. That doesn’t mean cancer is getting worse.” Or, “You don’t need to worry about me because I have great doctors that are helping me get better.”
Teenagers (13 to 18 years):
- At this age, teens have a deeper understanding of cancer and the impact of situations that they haven’t experienced themselves.
- 这种情况对这个年龄段的人来说可能更加困难。他们可能会因为在家帮忙的责任而不知所措，导致他们感到沮丧或内疚。
- Make sure teens talk about their emotions with someone, even if it is not you. Suggest that they talk to or confide in a teacher, friend or a friend’s parent.
- Your child’s reactions could include: Rebelliousness and acting out; depression, anxiety or insecurity; critique how their parents and others are handling the situation; hide their feelings; worry about how others will treat them because of their sick parent; have poor judgment on their decisions such as drinking alcohol, smoking, staying out late or having unsafe sex; withdraw from family and friends; show symptoms of stress or worry they or other family members will get cancer, too.
- 为了支持你的孩子，鼓励他们谈论他们的感受。检查一下，记住他们可能不会自愿表达自己的感受。在需要的时候给予隐私。提供咨询的机会。平衡支持家庭和成为青少年之间的关系。
- Reassure your teen. Encourage them to hang with friends and do activities they enjoy while continuing to discipline and set appropriate limits.
- 记住，如果你的孩子的“正常行为”让你感到不安，这并不是他们有多关心你的反映。
- 要说的话:“我们有一些消息要和你分享。我有癌症。我们还不知道我们面对的是什么。我要做手术，这样医生就能知道了。”另一种解决他们担忧的方法是:“如果你想到了问题或有担忧，请不要把它们藏在心里。跟我说话。如果你也和别人说话，那也没关系。”
When is it time to seek outside help for your child?
If your child’s behavior and reactions to the illness concern you, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Counselors or support groups are good advocates. Sometimes children and teens find it easier to talk to others who understand what they are going through.
Some concerning behaviors could be:
- Show extreme changes in behavior (eating or sleeping habits, severe mood changes, acting out)
- Isolating themselves at home or in school
- Having difficulty at school (grades are dropping, misbehaving, teachers report changes in personality)
- Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy
- Expressing desire to hurt themselves or others (in this case, find support immediately)
More information
- Sanford Cancer Survivorship Program offers help at several locations
- Carrier test shows what genetics parents may pass to kids
- Cancer camp for kids: A life-changing event
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Posted InCancer,Cancer Treatments,Children's,Health Information,Parenting
